Sapphires and Spun Gold
by theMuse1
Summary: ::SLASH:: Spot reflects on his feelings for Mush. Rated for themes.


Just a lil something I wrote… 

**Disclamer: I don't own Newsies.**

Sapphires and Spun Gold 

Some would call me good lookin'. Ha. Yeah, I guess. I'm alright. I gots blonde hair and blue eyes. Nothin' special. 

_"Sapphires. Your eyes look like a pool of sapphires. And your hair…" Mush stroked Spot's cheek tenderly with one finger. He pulled Spot closer to him. "It's like spun gold…" he whispered, softly kissing him. "You're beautiful, Spot."_

I remember our first kiss like it happened two seconds ago. It was at the docks one night. Mush made me feel so _good, _something that I never felt with anyone else. He made me actually feel the beautiful that he called me. I musta been if he wasted his time on me. I remember how it felt tah be wrapped safe in his arms; for once I didn't have tah play leader. 

_"Why do ya always have tah play leader, Spot?" Mush demanded. It wasn't the first time that he had asked him this question. "Why can't ya just open up to me? Please?" _

He would look at me with those eyes when he said this. Those eyes filled with such love that it made me want tah sing when I looked into them. I've always wanted tah totally give myself tah him. But…it was hard. I had assumed the role of leader  
but he was always patient with me. He always was and always would be. That's one of the reasons that I love him. He never gave up on me.

I had always known Mush. Or, it seemed like that anyways. When I met the Manhattan newises, he was one of the first ones that I met. That was back before I was leader. That was back when I was twelve or thirteen. He had been little then, maybe ten or so. I never paid no mind tah him. He'd always have this little smirk on his face when he looked at me, I remember. 

Months, even a year before the strike, that was when I saw him differently. We all went tah Medda's and… and he got up on stage and started singin' with her. You shoulda seen him. He was so happy. He was beautiful. He was a star that I couldn't reach, but I had to have him. I never wanted nothin' that much. 

After that, I admired him from afar. Like I said before, he was a star that I couldn't reach…so I pretended. I used tah daydream a lot, thinking about how it would be if I wasn't me and he wasn't him. How it would be if I weren't the king of Brooklyn and he weren't just…how it would be if we were just Mush and Spot. Spot and Mush.

And then, one night, God blessed me.

_"Spot."_

_Spot turned around and jumped up in surprise. "What the hell are ya doin' here, at the docks, kid? It's—,"_

_"Three in the mornin'?" Mush filled in for him. "I could ask you the same. The boys told me that you were here."_

_Spot's heart was in his throat. He gazed at Mush. The moonlight reflected off the water and onto Mush's face, making him seem angelic. Calm down, Spotty boy, Spot thought. Calm down._

_Mush just smiled and walked towards him. He leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek. _

_Spot touched his cheek in amazement. A dream, he thought. This has to be a dream. "Wh-what…" he stuttered._

_"Shh." Mush took his hand. "I've wanted tah tell you somethin' for a long time, Spot," he whispered. "I'm in love with you." His grip on Spot's hand tightened as he waited for an answer. _

_"I-I-I…" Spot sputtered, eyes widening. His heart pounded faster and faster. _

_Mush took Spot's hand and placed it over his own chest. "Do you feel that?" he asked. "Do you feel how fast it's beating? It's for you. It's always been for you. Ever since I was a little kid."_

_"This can't be happening," Spot mumbled._

_"Why not?"_

_"Because I've always dreamed of this. Mush, I love you too."_

_"Sapphires. Your eyes look like a pool of sapphires. And your hair…" Mush stroked Spot's cheek tenderly with one finger. He pulled Spot closer to him. "It's like spun gold…" he whispered, softly kissing him. "You're beautiful, Spot."_

I couldn't believe it. I still can't believe it sometimes. It's weird. He was there that _whole_ time and not too long ago, I found him. 

I found him, and I was desperately afraid that I'd lose him. I became possessive, sometimes overly possessive. Mush didn't like it.

_"What's your problem, Spot?" Mush exclaimed. "Why're you actin' like this?"_

_Spot ignored him._

_"I'm talkin' tah you."_

_He continued to ignore him._

_Quickly, Mush put his hands square on his shoulders. "Look at me, Spot. Look at me, love," he whispered. "We went tah Medda's. There was a guy. No, I'm not interested in him. Yes, he is in me but I'm not in him, and _why, _you ask? Because I'm already in love with the best guy in the world. Do ya hear that? And we were just on the roof takin' a smoke. You were busy with other things. It's no big deal, alright?"_

_No answer._

_"Alright?" Mush tried again, trying to gain eye contact._

_Still no answer._

_He pushed him away, frustrated. "I don't understand you."_

I'm not meant tah be understood. It seems, sometimes, that Mush is the only one who understands me. And sometimes, it seems as if even he doesn't understand me. But I still love him for trying. 

I've been on my own ever since I was real young and since then, I built this wall around me. I've tried to break it; no use. But, I know that one of these days, Mush will. I've helped him out, but there's always something stopping it from coming down completely.

_"You know, one of these days, I'll get through tah you," Mush promised Spot. "I don't care how long it takes and I don't care if I die tryin'—,"_

_"Don't say that," Spot said, alarmed._

_Mush laughed._

_"What?" asked Spot, defensively._

_"Nothing."_

"What?"

_"Nothing!"_

_Spot pushed him to the ground, pinning him. He leaned close. "Now will you tell me?"_

_Mush leaned up and kissed him and was received with great fervor. Their tongues intertwined as their souls had; forever locked in love. Feverishly, Spot began to unbutton Mush's shirt and Mush, his. When they had done this, Spot began to mark a trail of kisses down Mush's neck, causing him to moan. Mush returned the favor by massaging Spot's manhood through his trousers. This emanated a low groan from Spot. He looked down, and then into Mush's clear brown eyes. Mush nodded. _

_"Take me."_

God, I'll never forget that. It was the first time I ever made love tah him. It was… perfect. I'd imagined it before, but my images had never once even come close to our hour of passion. During it, he called, I love you, Spot, over and over again. I felt like I was falling in love with him all over again. 

Every night, that became our ritual. We'd make love under the dock and wake up just before dawn and watch the sunrise. Then, we'd go our separate ways and meet again at night. I loved it. It was like a secret affair and the excitement made it so much more worth it. 

But one day, he didn't come. I waited and waited, but he never showed. After a few days, I went tah the Lodging House tah see him.

"He's sick," Jack said. He had a worried expression on his face. "It's not bad, Spot. Come back in a few days, alright?"

Spot tried to see past him into the room where Mush was being housed. 

"Alright?" Jack repeated, clamping his hand on Spot's shoulder.

He nodded and left soundlessly. A few days later, he returned. It was during the day when there were no newsies and no Jack to stop him from seeing Mush. He hadn't liked the look that Jack had given him. He had to see Mush.

Spot approached the bed where his coughing lover was turned on his side, back to him. He just watched him, not making a sound. He sounds bad, he thought. Real bad.

As if Mush could hear his thoughts, he turned around, eyes widening. He held a handkerchief to his mouth. It was stained with red.

"W-what are you," he coughed, "doin' here, Spot?"

"What am I doing here." It came out more as a statement than a question. "What am I doing here? I'm here tah see ya. When ya didn't come the other day…"

Mush smiled slightly.

"What're ya smilin' about?" Spot asked, defensively crossing his hands over his chest. 

"You were worried about me."

"I knows youse a big boy. You can handle yourself."

"You were worried about me." 

"How ya feelin'?" Spot asked, trying to change the subject.

Mush's smile grew. "Shitty. I missed ya."

"I missed ya too."

"Come here. Sit by me a while."

Spot, looking around, noticed a chair in the corner and set it next to Mush's bed. He took his hand.

"I love you," he whispered. 

Mush began to speak, but went into a coughing fit. Spot watched, painfully, as he coughed out blood. 

"Water? Should I get ya water?" he asked. 

"No," Mush choked. "I'll be okay. See? It's over already."

"That was blood, Mush."

"A little blood never hurt nobody."

"Did you see the doc?"

He nodded solemnly.

"And?"

"Tuberculosis," he replied, avoiding Spot's eyes. 

Spot couldn't help but gasp. 

"Don't worry," Mush said, putting on a smile. "I'll be alright."

That was the last full day that I had spent with him. I had come back tah visit so many times after, but Jack or Kloppman would never let me see him. It was like they never went anywhere so that they could be there when I came by. 

I still went there everyday, even though I knew that I'd be rejected. I don't know why I didn't just order Jack to let me through. I could've. I know he would've listened. But, I didn't. Part of me hinted that it was Mush's wish not tah see me. That thought ate me up. I would never go against Mush and it was killing me not tah. 

But one day, it was different. Jack actually let me see him. 

Jack's eyes were red.

"Jacky," Spot said, strolling towards him. "What's wrong?"

"Stress. Ya know how the streets can get. Sellin' papes and what not," he lied. "You can go see him."

As soon as the words left his mouth, Spot ran upstairs and into the room where Mush lay. It was cleared out, except for him. 

"I was just thinking about you," Mush croaked.

Spot pulled the chair from his last visit to the bedside.

"Spot, I want'cha tah do me a favor." His breathing was shallow.

"Sure, anything. You know that I'll do anything for ya," Spot replied. 

"Don't…" he took a deep breath, as if struggling for air, "be sad when I die. Not for too long, anyways. You gotta move on."

"Mush," Spot replied, the tears already coming. "That's crazy talk. Don't say that."

"And Jack. He took real good care of me. I know he's your best friend… treat him like gold. Forever. You'll never find another friend like him."

"Mush…"

"I love you. Remember that. I'll always," he coughed, blood erupting from his mouth, "love…" he trailed off.

Spot looked down at Mush's peaceful face. His mouth was smeared with blood. 

"Mush?" he called, shaking him. "Mush, I'm listening. Finish what you were saying." He began to shake him frantically and then stopped, exploding into a fit of uncontrollable sobs. 

I love you too, he thought. Always.

I guess in a way, Mush kept his word. He died trying tah "get through tah me," as he said. Or, at least before he could. Sometimes I sit and think tah myself, why didn't I just do it? Why didn't I just let him have the whole me? The entire me? I tried so hard… but why couldn't I have tried harder?

I still think that right now, while I'm standing on this here dock with this gun in my hand. It's the exact spot where he told me that he loved me for the first time. It's over the spot where the most beautiful thing to ever happened to me happened. It's the spot where I will breathe my last breath.

I can't change the past. I can't make it so that I treated him more like the spun gold that he compared my hair to…or the sapphires that he said my eyes looked like. If I did, I woulda given him a gift that I know he woulda loved. Me. All of me. 

So, as I hold this gun tah my head, I will think about how I only regret one thing. I will think about the memories that he's left me with and the love that he gave me. The love that I tried my hardest tah give back. I will think about how I never loved no other the way I loved him. And I never will.

I will be with you soon…

So how'd you guys like my first slash fic? Go easy on me. Well, if you insist on flaming, then do it. But just review. Thanks.


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